Open up your arms and hold on too.

sometimes, i am so sorry.
most times, i couldn't care less.
all of the time, i can't even believe what has happened and what has become of us.


it is pathetic, and reallly just so sad.
it hurts me, but i have no shame. this was not my fault.
though, even had you tried i don't think it could have saved us.
but what is for the best is for the best. you can't change how people feel. something i have had to learn repeatedly throughout the years, no matter how hard i have tried to forget it.
shit happens, you have got to take the good with the bad and the happy with the sad as 'they' say.


but in all honesty, i wish you'd grow up. i wish you'd create a mind of your own instead of the world of your own which makes you seize to live in this real one. i wish you would learn responsibility and selflessness. i wish you would understand the concept of loyalty and honesty. trust goes a long way, longer than a lie. i wish your ego wasn't the size of an elephant so that you could learn how to say you're sorry. but most of all i just wish you'd get a fucking clue, because you definitely do not have one.

leave me alone
come back to me
leave me alone
ugh ugh ugh, so mixed up. i wish you'd just tell me what that was all about.
stop taunting/teasing me too. you're so confusing i can't fucking take it

my horoscopes never tend to be as dead on as i'd like to believe they will be... but today was an exception to what just happened to me.

i have not talked to you in, what, two years? and all of a sudden you im me with lame excuses such as seeing me driving behind you, you turning around but i didn't notice you.. trust me new car or not i am pretty damn positive i would have noticed you. considering i used to really care for you so deeply, and i used to look for you and your green shit wagon everywhere i went for quite some time. granted you have a new car now, but still... i don't know how i would have not noticed you... i know you're still with her, but i just think it is completely weird how my horoscope says to let someone back in who you wrote off in the past... things have changed. and then you just pop out of nowhere, two years long gone from my memory. you probably would have been my last guess in terms of that horoscope, if that.

i don't believe in coincidence, i never have.


this is really just too weird for me to wrap my head around, or even deal with in the slightest... so i am just going to write this to get it all off my chest... and then let it go.

sometimes, i wish you'd just shut up.
i can only tolerate so much

tonight went way better then expected. I am really proud of myself for putting myself out there, not worrying about feeling vulnerable. Its gooooooooood

so nervous. so excited. i hope that everything goes okay and there isn't really any awkwardness.

wtf. wtf. wtf. wtf!!!

I feel like my life might be finally falling right back into place.
I can't tell you how much I've missed the feeling of such security in my life.
I forgot how much people, in general, mean to me. And I am now understanding that people are in your life because they're supposed to be. Therefore, I realize it's time to embrace those who I never really cared for before.


:D

Sometimes I just feel like my life is serioussssssly falling apart and I hate it.



It's days like these I seriously want to do absolutely nothing.

you are really cute, i remember seeing you all the time when i worked at target.
i kind of just want to go because i'm pretty sure you're going to be there and i just want to make some type of conversation with you after seeing you all the time. I always want to say hi because we both know each other, but i don't know if it's ever appropriate


Not that it would be appropriate at that time either...

I guess I need to do something with myself; with my life.
Something more meaningful

i need some more people, and some more fun in my life.
some new faces along with some new places.


my weekends are just not what they used to be anymore.

enough said.

I've got it...

I feel out of touch.
Out of reach.
Far, far away from here.

I feel as if I am losing touch with everyone around me. Everyone I once knew and cared about entirely too much. More than myself. I feel like everyone has changed, including myself. Most not in good ways, into different people whom I'd never expect them to be. I don't know, it might just be me.


Falling back into old habits is never a good thing; old (bad) habits, die hard.

I also feel like no one cares anymore, including myself.
I feel numb to almost everything and everyone around me.
And it's not a great feeling, certainly not one I've ever wanted to feel myself.
I just want to get out of this slump I have dragged myself into. And in no way do I know how I did this.


Sitting at home every weekend, or going to my cousins, is just not satisfying me anymore. I miss you, I miss the parties, I miss my friends. Everything I once had, I just don't have it anymore. I've drifted away from everyone surrounding me. I have pushed most of my friends away. Some on purpose, some there was never any intention to, it just kind of happened.


I feel the need to be sorry, even for things I have not done.
I don't know what this guilt is, but it's certainly not fun, nor something I really want to feel...let alone deal with.

it hurts to say i miss you.
i wish you were still the same person i used to know.

Tomorrow is the second day. And I can already find that my days are just going to ramble on.
Time seems to stop in an instant. Going going going... gone.

This year has just begun, with each day it's a little more over.
Graduation. Walking across the stage. Receiving a piece of paper that tells me "congratulations you some how managed to get your ass out of bed at 6 and off to a school where you learn useless information for your everyday life"

Not quite like that.
I don't mean for this to sound any sort of pessimistic and sad.
I am just a little bit unaware of where i'm going. And sometimes where i've been.

I seem to not be good enough anymore. A new group has been created. Guessing that's the reason the 4 of us don't hang out anymore. Thanks for inviting me. Just doesn't seem appropriate.


I'm not trying to be bitter. But it would be nice to be included. Considering we were all so close before. I don't seem to see what's different now. I'm pretty sure I don't have it all wrong either.

I find it hard to admit that we've both changed completely from who we used to be. It's getting harder to accept that we're never going to be as close as we once were. Inseparable, always by each others side. I am happy, and so are you. And I will always know you as one of my closest and dearest friends. I hope that throughout our lifetimes we find a place for both one another in our hearts. Because truth be told I don't think I could see my life without you in it. You've been apart of me for so long now. At times I wish we could get back to those two little girls, but I know in my heart that that's a long shot. But no matter what, I will always be here for you. And I know you'll always be there for me. And I think that's what keeps me hanging on. Is knowing that no matter the differences between us now, we always find each other in the end. You mean a great deal to me. And I just need you to know that.

I seriously need to be at the beach.
I seriously need to lay out.
I seriously need a tan before school starts. I am so sick of being pasty white.
I seriously need to get over the fact that I am not going to ever be able to change things between us. And I need to figure out why I would ever want to anyway. You're not worth shit, to me or yourself. You do nothing. You are nothing. But a waste of space.


This wasn't even meant for you. But everything seems to turn out that way, doesn't it.